Someone Made a Thread of ESPN NFL Draft Graphics for Superheroes and it's Amazing

If you watched the NFL Draft this weekend, congratulations! It was a real, live sporting event, and we're all so thankful we got to witness something so normal. So normal, in fact, it was almost better virtually than it usually is live?

Except for one thing: for whatever reason, ESPN cranked the treacly graphics about each draftee up another 12 notches. Need to know the worst moment of every prospect's life and the greatest hardship they've ever faced? Well, you're in luck! It's right there on the screen!

This got one NFL fan, @FitzGSN_, thinking: What would these graphics look like if they were constructed for various superheroes, at the height of their powers? Naturally, that ambition spiraled off into an amazing thread.

You know, come to think of it, Batman's origin story could make a pretty great "E:60".

But there's more.

He really bounced back from that whole "prison" thing -- he's shown tremendous poise in recent years.

Hey, this one's positive! Ah, no, wait, they called him fat. And ratcheted up the death count in that last bullet point. Always got to get to the last bullet point before you evaluate! My mistake.

You know, on the one hand, you have to commend his ex. Without her, there'd BE no draft. On the other hand, yikes.

This thread is packed full of all our favorites, and they're all given the proper ESPN-style skewering. Excellent work.