​Connor McDavid is not human. My conclusive, five-minute study has determined the former No. 1 overall pick is playing by his own set of rules, frequently reaching a speed on ice not thought previously possible. This was on full display in the ​Oilers Tuesday night matchup against the Wild. What...what is this? Some sort of cyborg?

Why are those defensemen standing still? This, to be clear, was at the end of McDavid's shift. He was supposed to be tired!

Not impressed yet, you psychos? Check out what happens when you give McDavid any sort of advantage. In this case, the Oilers were taking part in a 5-on-3 penalty. McDavid may not score on this play, but the entry into the zone is flawless, and the Edmonton star created this opportunity on his lonesome. 5-on-3's should be 1-on-3 when McDavid is on the ice.

Don't shoot the messenger, but if McDavid isn't the fastest skater in NHL history, I dare you to accuse me of recency bias. 

Surely, this will end well.