​Y'all been drinking too much of the Kyrie Kool Aid. You've gotten dizzy riding too many loops aboard on the Tatum Train. Hell, you even went silly for Scary Terry for a while last spring. But guess what? That's just how ​Al Horford likes it.


​You know, the single best basketball player on ​​the Boston Celtics' roster.


Yeah, I know. But if you're going to wail on me for this, you had better perpetuate a similar energy for Sports Illustrated.

Are me and SI senior writer Ben Golliver equally crazy? Perhaps. And I could just be biased in favor of Big Al due to my feverish fandom for the Florida Gators (remember when he won back-to-back national titles?). But let's get to the heart of it:


  • Horford had an argument for Defensive Player of the Year last season, and also finished 10th in the NBA in 3-point percentage
  • Kyrie Irving went down and the Celtics still made it within one game of the NBA Finals
  • Remember when the pride of Puerto Plata freaking ate Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons for lunch until the Sixers were demoralized and crapped out faster than a knockoff Rolex? Well, he did it again on opening night.

I know you watched the carnage Horford unleashed on Philadelphia back in the Eastern Conference semis, and then the five-block remix edition this week. They wanted NO smoke with ​your boy in the paint. 


But, can we talk about the fact that he also averaged just under five assists per game in 2017-18 -- less than half a dime behind Irving, Boston's ostensible lead distributor -- and put up a better 3-point percentage than Steph Curry and JJ Redick?


That's it. I'm done.


Look, Kyrie is a great player. He's a deserved All-Star. Jayson Tatum is already a star, can get it done on both ends of the court, led the Celtics in scoring in the playoffs, and has a chance to do so this regular season, too. But, there's only one straw that stirs the drink ​atop the parquet at TD Garden. There's only one benevolent demigod watching over all creation with a knowing Mona Lisa smile.

His name is Alfred Joel Horford Reynoso. He is the son of Tito. He has gentle hands I would trust with a baby, or the launch switch for a nuclear bomb.


And we don't even deserve a hero like him.