You know when something is so corny you can't help but laugh? You really don't find it humorous, but it's so painful that it causes a smile? If Dwight Howard has achieved nothing else in a career filled with missed opportunities and false hope, it's an ability to be both humorous in the worst way possible and completely baffling at the same time. His narration of his stops during his 13-year NBA career is nothing short of peak-Howard.
“I learned Magic for 8 years…traveled to La La Land, learned how to work with Rockets...how to fly with Hawks, got stung by the Hornets, and through all of that it’s taught me how to be a Wizard”@DwightHoward with a tremendous quote pic.twitter.com/79t8Q2fYjV— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) July 23, 2018
Look at the utter confusion on the face of Washington Wizards general manager Ernie Grunfeld. The only thing running through his mind is "What the hell have I done?" as he listens to his new starting center ramble on with dad jokes about all the teams that couldn't wait to get rid of him.
Yes, Grunfeld. This is the man you are bringing into your locker room who you're expecting to co-exist with John Wall.
Howard on finally feeling healthy after back surgery: "I've still got the (Superman) cape. I'm ready to dust it off."#DCFamily— Washington Wizards (@WashWizards) July 23, 2018
Traveled to La La Land? You forced your way there after a season filled with bad publicity and public immaturity.
Learned how to work with the Rockets? That would suggest you eventually figured out how to make it work. News flash: it didn't.
How to fly with the Hawks? You were traded after one season despite signing a 3-year, $70 million deal, so clearly you didn't fly too long.
Stung by the Hornets? It was the other way around.
"Also I briefly got lost in the Net. You know, Sandra Bullock? I was technically on the Brooklyn Nets, is what I'm saying." https://t.co/yojWTOU8VD— Adam Weinrib (@AdamWeinrib) July 23, 2018
This is what's taught you how to be a Wizard? Talk about trusting the process. To quote a former oft-injured NBA center