THIS WEEK IN ZLATAN: Zlatan is Not There

Every week, 12up attempts to fathom the gorgeous explosive majesty of America's sweetheart, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, as he makes his goodwill tour around the United States and commits soccer war crimes against the MLS at large.

This week, Big Z did three of these five things:

  • Discussed getting into a police chase as a teenager in a turbocharged Porsche
  • Started his own line of fine male hygiene products
  • Won Overwatch League
  • Blamed the Swedish media for being left out of the World Cup
  • Got all his daily nutrients by ingesting only fiberglass insulation

1. Zlatan Say Swedish Media is Fake News

Key quotes here:

-- "I think [the World Cup]'s the greatest party in football."

-- "All the best players are there."

-- "Zlatan is not there. He should have been there."

-- "The media says they are better without me."

-- "This is the typical Swedish [media] attitude."

-- "I know how to win. Trust me."

-- "And I do it good."

2. Teenage Zlatan Get in Police Chase in Porsche

Yep. As one does.

See? He's just like you and me.

3. Use Zlatan Product and Be Pretty Like Zlatan

Ibra has a new line of men's hygiene products called "Zlatan Sport." Do they really work? Yes-- applying these trademark lotions and potions will guarantee that you, too, will also be excluded from the Swedish National Team.

Need to get caught up on the past eight weeks in Zlatan? We've got you covered.