THIS WEEK IN ZLATAN: Zlatan Take the Wheel

Every week, 12up attempts to fathom the gorgeous explosive majesty of America's sweetheart, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, as he makes his goodwill tour around the United States and commits soccer war crimes against the MLS at large.

This week, Big Z did three of these five things:

  • Boosted Morocco's World Cup bid using his lungs alone
  • Ended the diplomatic standoff on the Korean peninsula simply by flexing
  • Took one positive step toward a life full of SoCal road rage
  • Was left off Sweden's World Cup squad by a Football Association incapable of feeling love
  • Coined the phrase, "she'll have what Zlatan's having"

1. Zlatan on Outside Looking in Like Sad Dogpuppy

Sweden officially revealed its preliminary squad for next month's World Cup in Russia. Zlatan was not included.

This is tantamount to crimes against humanity. If UEFA has any spine whatsoever, they'll refer the Svenska Fotbollförbundet to the Hague to be tried and possibly hanged if deemed necessary.

2. Zlatan Breathe Life Into Entire Nation-state

Saad Abid, a Moroccan surfer-turned-conservationist, met up with Big Z in Los Angeles to recruit his support for a campaign promoting Morocco's bid to host the 2026 World Cup. He brought a deflated balloon with him, and Zlatan blew it up.

This is supposed to symbolize something.

Long story short, Morocco's FIFA bid has now been given the breath of life from an actual god, so it's a wrap.

3. Cars Need Zlatan License

This week, LA Galaxy Twitter dropped this candid gem: Ibra taking a test to get his U.S. drivers' license.

Little-known fact: Zlatan is the last high-performance machine on earth that can run on leaded gasoline. It's what gives his teeth their trademark glisten.

Need to get caught up on previous weeks in Zlatan? We've got you covered.