Why, Eagles, why??


Listen, I get it. Your team won the Super Bowl. That's kind of a big deal. ​You beat Tom Brady. You may have ended the entire Patriots dynasty forever. But haven't you ever heard the phrase "act like you've been there before?"

Well, that actually makes a lot of sense. Can't really knock you for that one. But it got ​a hell of a lot worse:

"What yhe f--k," indeed. Is this the first time you ever watched a football game? This is not the work of woke individuals. The municipal employees that have to clean all this up are probably Eagles fans too, you know.

Come ON, people! What is this, Hey Arnold? There's nothing cool about flipping over a motor vehicle, even if your team wins the big sportsball trophy. Go ahead and throw your arms around someone you love, or maybe the dude you just met at the pub who's probably named Murph. In fact, do literally anything instead of that. Or this:

Okay, folks. You're officially done. You lost all your Philly privileges. There's a difference between partying down and being a boneheaded vandal. You've made that sad fact rather clear.


At the same time, folks, can we be terribly surprised at these antics? Philly supporters have a particular reputation in the annals of sports fandom, after all. But a Super Bowl championship is supposed to be sacred. It's the Holy Grail. To celebrate it with mass desecration and degeneracy is all the evidence we need to realize one essential truth: these guys cannot be allowed to win this thing for another 51 years.