​Before Duke superstar Grayson Allen was a combination college basketball standout/national controversy machine, he was just a kid in Jacksonville, Florida. As a youth in his mid-teens, he was just like you or I would have been.


​We're talking about a totally normal, perhaps even mundane young man completely devoid of any objectionable characteristics, behaviors, or opinions.


In fact, a deep dive into his Twitter account proves it. Let's just pick a random one to prove my point:

OH MY GOD. THE JAGUARS. HE KNEW. I TAKE IT ALL BACK.


​HE PREDICTED THE FUTURE A FULL FIVE YEARS OUT.


​GRAYSON ALLEN IS A WITCH.


​Moving on:

Ugh. They really still have schools in Florida? I guess just barely.

DO NOT LAUGH, GRAYSON. It's not funny. Michael Miller is the pride of Mitchell, South Dakota and he is a saint. He was an utterly crucial member of the Miami Heat's Big Four.

No. You have two ears and a heart, don't you??

Little-known fact: Grayson Allen wears size 23 shoe, so this comment makes little sense.

This is spot-on. I could have used this advice back when I was... all the time, actually.

This is not true at all. Is this a rap lyric??

Trust Grayson on this, for he is a witch and witches can read your mind and also use your entrails to thicken their batwing stew.

Wait, WUUUUUUUUUT? DID YOU CALL THE AUTHORITIES?

Oh. I see.


​I think we just discovered the night in which Grayson Allen found his life's mentor.


Gosh. The things kids say these days, am I right?